I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
