there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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