I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
