Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
