I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize