I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
