her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize