Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Found your dick twin last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
