dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
