I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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