What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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