so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
