my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
