remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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