Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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