i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
