I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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