I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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