she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
