Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
