peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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