Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
