She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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