does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
