why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
