I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
