its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
