you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
