he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
