Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
