I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
