I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
