Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
