So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
