I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
