im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
