I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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