ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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