he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
