Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
