drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
