Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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