I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
