chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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