He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
