WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You left your phone here
Wait...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
