btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
