Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
