If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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