God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
