I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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