I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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