yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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