I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Buhtt sex?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
