I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
