I must be too annoying 4 u.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
