I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize