i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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