i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this hospital has no fireball
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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