Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
