If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize