ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
