I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
