after a month anything with tits is on the radar
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
As shirtless as possible
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
