there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
