I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize