I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish you could order shots online.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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