I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
