i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
