Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
