Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
