we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
