We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize