She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
