i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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