i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
