a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
